Should they end the Kate and Jon plus 8 show?

I saw this question on Yahoo today.

Should they end the Kate and Jon plus 8 show??

I saw most said Yes, but are people really taking time to consider what could happen if the show is simply stopped...yes, I'm talking about what happens to the kids. Oh, and we can include Kate in there also because everyone always says: "we have to be concerned about the kids".

Well, yes, but if you are not concerned about Kate, then the kids will suffer more.

You see, watching this unfold is like watching my own nightmare of a first marriage. Watching a man you thought you knew start acting childish, running out all times of the night, not coming home till morning thinking the whole time, his kids won't understand and they'll still love him.

WRONG!!

What men like this need to know are how many days and nights that the kids will fall into their mom's arms crying over what their dad is doing. Yes, Jon, they do know what you are up to, even at their age. Mine did.

My 5 yr. old even wrote his own diary about how he knew his daddy was out kissing another woman. The diary had anger in it when I found it, he shared it with me. Even my 3 yr.old was angry. Why??

Well, if we'd had a camera crew in our house, they wouldn't have even been thinking of them, they would only be thinking of what is Daddy doing to us?? And WHY?? My kids didn't need the news to show them what was happening. And neither do the all of Jon and Kate's kids. What I mean by that is ...they already know. The cameras only showed us, but the kids already knew.

They already get it because he was stupid enough to bring it home with him. Even if he hadn't, they would have picked up on something wrong in the relationship.

We really need to give the kids more credit than some are especially the "specialists". I respect some of them, but they are thinking the in the normal sense of a household. Some think the kids don't understand the camera crews etc. Why? Because it's not the normal thing in a household?? No it's not for most of us,

but it IS Normal for them. It is all they know.

You see, if we stop the show, first; Kate will lose her financial support to help the children grow up. Who's going to pay for that?? Not Jon, he's on his own celebrity trip and he is now realizing the majority of people went against him. He was thinking people would feel sorry for him because Kate seemed to be "nagging" him all the time. Perhaps, now we know why. Maybe he wasn't as "easy going" as we thought. Besides, I think Kate has learned from this. You can tell the "air" has been knocked out of her.

When I watch her, I see me, trembling inside with fear of how I'm going to feed, clothe and have a roof over my head, but trying to appear calm. I wasn't only terrified, I was petrified. She's one up on me in that she had a career. But...that career she's done will not even pay for 8 kids. She did this TV show because she thought she would have a partner for life. He betrayed their vows and he abandoned his family in their hearts. Emotional abandonment from their father is what will hurt them, not the cameras.

I know the feelings; betrayal; abandonment and shame. Shame for not seeing what was coming. But I didn't really see it either. So I understand. But being abandoned and betrayed; those are feelings that can bring about such fear; sadness; anxiety and extreme bitterness, especially if Jon keeps these antics up for years. Oh yes, I remember well.

And the whole time, Kate will do what I did, try to stay calm and try to get their Dad to have a good relationship with them. Not just show up for an hour and then run off. Or be on the phone while he's supposed to be with them. Right now, he has emotionally left the whole family. But she will get stepped on like I did trying desperately to make him see what he is missing out on.

When the kids are older, they will then show their true colors and anger to him; he will have to deal with the mess he has created.

Here's what will happen if the show is cancelled. Jon will continue not to pay bills. (trust me)!!!He's found his new "freedom" and he wants all the celebrity. So, because the bills won't be paid, and he moved them to that new, big property (knowing he wasn't happy); Kate will loose the house. She will also spend a lot of money fighting over child support (oh yes, he will fight...mark my words).

So, let's look at this from the kids point of view. Something is wrong with Daddy. He doesn't spend much time with us, but at least Mommy's here and we are still at our home. So, they have to rely on her only. She is the only sane parent they have right now.

I personally hope she can hold it together with all the pressure of finances.

So if the show cancels, the home will be taken; (the kids will miss it terribly); the dogs have already been given away (they were Jon's responsibility and he abandon them also). Proving to the kids that if he won't even take care of the dogs; why would he take care of us? More abandonment issues on his part. So then the camera crew, who are the same few individuals that have been with them from the start, will also go.

That means, the kids loose a Dad they thought they knew, loose the dogs; loose their yard and home; loose the camera people who are NORMAL to them and their friends; they would probably have to change schools moving somewhere smaller and they will gain a very stressed out mother not by her own fault, who will with her strength keep on going no matter what even though she will be working most the time and trying to figure out sitters for them after school.

You see, it's not the camera's we should worry about, it's the effect of a Father out of control on his kids.

Cancel Jon instead. Quit writing about him. Don't have him on shows. He brought all this about, it's not the show's fault....It is Jon's fault. When will we start holding spouses who act like this responsible?? And now he's taken all their money and left her $1000.00?? I bet his girlfriend (s) get a nice present soon. Oh yes, the nightmare's are playing in my mind. but I only had $21.36 cents left...plus thousands in debts of credit card charges for ...well, the girlfriend.

I don't want to see Kate and her children go through what we went through. Truly. The best thing for the kids are to stay in their normal home; with the people they are used to seeing and that includes the cameras and a mom who is at home with them and there to great them from school after probably spending a day in the kitchen just trying to catch up on preparing meals.

By punishing Kate and the kids this way let's Jon win what he's really after. His own celebrity and more money.

He truly is not concerned for these kids.

Or......

he would go back and build another home on the property and share responsibility and BEHAVE himself in front of not only his kids.....but the cameras. He just keeps burying himself deeper in showing this stupidity on camera.

Kate and her 8 should not lose all this because a man decided to be selfish.

Let them keep the people they know coming into their home. Let them keep their yard now filled with their special little houses and let them keep their mom at home. Because she won't be at home if she has to work what will obviously become more than a 60 hr. work week. And then what?? No mom around either.

It took my ex 22 yrs. to apologize to his then grown boys. So, now in their 20's, he and they are getting to know each other. Was it worth all that? He eventually married the girlfriend, who then in turn started abusing our kids when they would visit. I put a stop to it quickly when I found out. I told her to pick jail or get out of the house. (they had only been married 6 months). She left the house. He still didn't really seem to know the effect of all this and continued to stay married to her for another 12 yrs. He may regret it now; but he missed his boys and who they really became while he was too busy with other things. He regrets it now. But he'll never get that time back....ever.

So now a woman, who had an affair with my then husband, took my house and money, then decided to get greedy and try to stop the child support (which was weak), and tried to force my kids to call her mom, and at one point tried to cut me off from them when they were visiting, emotionally and physically abused them and caused us Hell for over 25 yrs. all together....will receive half of my ex's retirement pay because she was married over 10 yrs. to him.

So you see, she gets rewarded. Do you see how twisted this can get for Kate??

But I have one thing to say to Kate. With all this going on, the kids will remember the one constant in their lives...their mother.

If you loose the show Kate, all I can say is just keep going. Despite the troubles you might face and the absolute burden put on you alone, you can do it. And despite all the crap that Jon is doing; you can raise brilliant children.

Or like I used to say to myself; "I'm not raising children; I'm raising men and women to unleash on the world; so I have to remember to make them strong; good of character; compassionate and loving.

Don't listen to everyone who tells you divorce will make your kids act out. Mine never acted out to me. They never talked back to me and they didn't go out and do crazy things. They decided to throw themselves into their friendships and the church we went to.

They are now 22 and 24. My 24 yr. old who wrote the angry diary is a Minister. And his brother whose anger towards his father really showed up around age 13, is also on his way to being a Minister.

They are loving, compassionate, serving and devoted young men. With all they went through, I taught them they had a choice to either let it all affect them or to simply live the life they are entitled to...happiness.

You see, it is simply up to you now Kate. No matter what. If there are cameras or not; keep your inner strength about you and your wits. In the long run, you can raise great children.

I'm for Kate keeping her show. She also has to be considered because she is the adult raising 8 children...whom she loves.

Kate plus 8. Yes, at least let them continue, because the only thing really hurting the kids....his name is Jon. And that was his decision....not theirs.

And Remember Kate and kids:

It is not what happens to us in life that makes us who we are;

It is only who we choose to become that makes us who we are.

And I Used to be the Skinny Girl

I had looked at the photos several times. There we were, my 2 sons and I in England together. I lived in England 22 yrs. earlier for almost 5 yrs. when I was in the military. Both my sons were born there and we left when they were babies. I always wanted to be able to show them this great country. So we spent 6 good days there and they enjoyed it. We didn't get to see everything we wanted to see but it was nice.

Of course, there were pictures taken and we met many others there who were from different countries also taking photos. They all came for a church event including us. So many of the pictures showed up on Facebook which we all shared. I've looked at them several times, trying to pick out where we were at and who was in the picture. But then after looking at them over and over, I looked again the other day and there it was, a picture someone else had taken. It really was of two other people but I just happened to be standing with my back to them and I was on the side of the picture. I guess I had never noticed I was even in it before.

I never noticed because I thought that had to be someone else. A tourist perhaps, since we were watching the Changing of the Guards at the Guard Barracks. But as I started to come to grips that the person standing there was me, I got a very sick feeling in my stomach. So I went to another photo where we were all in church on Sunday and there I was again. Was that really me? Could it be possible? I mean, I'm not young anymore, but was that the woman I was meant to be? Is that who I had become?

I was realizing that I was, out of over 100 people, the fattest (yes, I used the f word) person in the room. What happened! I've become obese. Oh, I've had some help along the way. 22 yrs. ago I got very ill and it's never stopped. I ended up with some illnesses that at the time, didn't even have names. Today they are called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. Back then I was so ill I could barely function. It took many years, doctors and pills to figure out what was happening.

You see, the medications you take for these illnesses help your body keep going but will definitely put weight on you. I am 5'7" and weighed 137lbs. 22 yrs. ago when I became ill. I now weight 224lbs. In London, I weighed 211 and still looked huge. That was only 3 months ago but then again, I did have to start on a different medication. And I am big, but there are certain medicines I've stopped to try and loose weight but the symptoms are worse without them. Some I'll have to take the rest of my life because now I have a thyroid problem also.

Everyday I wake up hoping today is the day I feel normal again. And every morning, I'm disappointed. I want my energy back so I can exercise and when I exercise even just a little bit, I want my body to quit attacking me and making me worse. You see, it's a vicious circle that I've been chasing for years. I know how to eat because before I got sick, I was into being extremely fit. I know how to exercise because I worked out with experts. There's nothing new you could tell me I don't already know.

Recently I've noticed people have been looking at my stomach instead of my face when they talk to me. I cannot believe I am where I said I would never be. Fat. I'm not going to apologize for using the word Fat. Because I am. Yes, I was the skinny one in our family, in high school, in the Air Force. But sometimes in life you don't get a choice in what happens. Yes, it's true, I hate to inform Oprah, but people don't always ask to be sick. Sometimes, crap happens.

I've never made fun of anyone for their weight. There were girls I hung with in High School that would make fun of certain girls but I hated that. I wish I had spoke up more to them. But then again, some of them used to pick on me also. Just bullies really. But now people are looking at my stomach, are they trying to figure out am I pregnant or just fat. I don't know but I'm starting to experience what other overweight people must go through every day. I went to an appointment the other day and this thin woman tried to tell me everything to get me thin again but it was how she looked disgustingly at me that bothered me. Good for her for being healthy...hope nothing knocks her on her ass in the few coming years. She'll be in for a shock.

I don't know what to do anymore. Last week I decided to replace any carbs and sugar with vegetables and fruit. I put on 4 lbs. Makes me wonder, is it ever going to stop.

For now, all I can do is hope that I can figure out something else to get rid of the weight. Try to come off more medications while knowing it may mean I won't even be getting out of bed because they are what keep me walking and moving.

Yes, the circle of chronic illnesses can become so heavy....but then again, so did I.

And I used to be the skinny girl.

Oprah and Bob Greene

I've been listening to Oprah's web casts for Monday with Bob Greene on her Best Life Series.  They were talking about whether or not you think you are worthy of being healthy. Bob suggested you go back to the first 10 years of your life where your brain is wired on how it thinks and see where was the first time you felt like other people's pleasures and opinions were more important than your own.  

WOW, as Oprah would say; Ah Ha!!

But the truth is, I already knew the answer to that.  It was when I was 5 yrs. old.  I have a twin sister and she and I were put in 2 different classrooms in kindergarten.  It seemed that my class had more artistic times; more play items; a piano; puppet theater and a huge play room with what were playhouses and her class was more about books and learning. 

 I remember visiting her classroom and feeling sorry for her that she didn't have the whole playroom, piano and puppet theater we had.  But the truth is that our class was supposed to be the more "not so smart" kids.  After a while, I got that.  But the moment I realized I wasn't as important was the one day we both came home with a piece of paper.

Her class had come to visit our classroom and we just took a simple piece of construction paper and remember how you use to draw lines all over and then color in each piece a different color?  That's what we did.  The paper was that dirty white color and she colored her different areas in with all pastel pinks, blues and yellows.  She didn't press hard on her crayon either, she liked it light.  Today, she still likes to wear these colors.

I had the dirty white paper also.  But I took the purple, black; green and red crayons and pressed really hard to color solidly in each piece and I always ended up not being able to always stay in the lines.  The colors were vivid and solid; eye catching.  Today, I still like these colors. 

But when we arrived home, we went into the kitchen where my mom was and she was handed my sister's paper first.  She glowed over it and how lovely it was telling my sister what a good job she did.  She then hung it proudly on the refrigerator.  

Then I handed her my paper.  Her whole face changed.  As a matter of fact, I remember it scared me to look at her.  Which I realize means I already knew what was coming.  She grit her teeth and said, "this is the ugliest picture I have ever seen", "why would you pick these ugly colors and you can't even stay in the lines"!!!  Then she did the one thing that she did with my life several times.  She crumpled up the paper and threw it away. 

 She threw away a piece of me.

I must have already experienced her wrath against me because I was already scared to share it with her but it was the first time inside my head I said to myself at age 5, "this is going to be a really hard life".  

I can tell you now I know why she always treated me differently now.  A lot of it had to do with the fact I had a close relationship with my father. I also looked just like her and she was aging; not gracefully in her head.  And I had cost them an immense amount of money due to health issues I had back then.  In other words, she was unhappy in her life and she had found the person she could take it out on and it would be me until she started dying of cancer 32 years later.  

I won't go into all of it and my sisters and brother probably never noticed although one time my twin sister admitted she had treated me differently.  

But to figure out that moment and know this is when I was told by someone I wanted respect from and that I wanted to respect that I was not only bad at coloring, but I was so worthless that I could be thrown away.  WOW.  I've said several times that I never felt secure or safe in my own home and this was the point I dreaded the meanness I would see in her and the insecurity I've felt since.  

So now, I have to figure out how to rewire that.  How do you do that??  How do I make myself realize that I'm not only worth good health....

but that I certainly deserve it?  Don't I??

Not the Life I Bargained For

Well, it's been a while since I've written on my blog and I've tried to figure out why I stopped and I think I know why now.

I did enjoy the book I thought I would write about but then I got busy volunteering with the American Red Cross during the Iowa floods. Then of course life just happens. But mostly, I've come to realize I'm tired of talking of my illnesses. That somehow I feel it fuels them for me personally and makes me live in them more than I wish to. For others it seems to be a release but for me I feel I'm constantly reminding myself of them and that seems to make me feel worse. It almost feels like a label to me and I'm tired of being labled.  It is who I am though.

There are other things I want to write about. Silly things really. Everyday discoveries; events and just plain life.  You see, I feel better. I'm on new medicines and I feel ...well...sometimes close to normal. Not always, but sometimes. Of course I realize at any moment, that could change.

And I'm loosing a little weight here and there. That could be due to finding out the Thyroid problem I had. I do know that I'm feeling like I may not only want to try and go back to work but I may want to try for a new career. That's right, at age 51, maybe I've been given a new lease on finding a new life. I'm thinking of investigating becoming a flight attendant. 

I recently flew to England and met many women my age that were flight attendants. A few of them have only been doing this for a small amount of time. There is not an age limit and now they just ask for a height to weight ratio instead of like many years ago when you had to be thinner. The benefits are great and the fact you get to travel and fly for a small amount is so tempting. Plus, I would get a chance to sit down now and then and I can bid on how many hours a month I want to fly. More control than your normal 9-5 job. I do really miss traveling.

I still would like to loose more weight just to feel better and London proved quite the challenge to my walking. Trying to navigate with young people in their 20's through the many stairs and the tubes (subways) and the many miles we must have walked was a real challenge. But I hadn't really tried walking distances since going on my Ritalin which gives me energy. There were a few days I simply couldn't go but I seemed to do better than I thought I would and therefore showing me a new light at the end of a very long tunnel I've been in.

It got me thinking that maybe I can do more than I think since going on the Ritalin and Thyroid medicine. Energy is certainly what gives us the life we dream of leading. I especially miss making my own money.    

And now I'm waking up from the dream of working again and realizing this is Not the Life I Bargained For.

A NEW EARTH

Yes, I'm one of the 800,000 people taking Oprah's online class for the book "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.  

I'm not usually one for following the crowd but since all these health issues and hardly having a life anymore, I've been looking for something more spiritual in my life to help me get a grip on my situation.  

I had read the book Oprah recommended before this one which was "Eat Pray Love".  And it's a wonderfully written non fiction story of a woman's journey during and after her divorce.  Something I'm familiar with, a nasty divorce over 15 yrs. ago.  But the book was one of the best written books I have ever read. 

 

So I thought maybe I'd pick up this A New Earth book to try also.  I don't always read the recommended books from Oprah, I rarely can stay awake reading period!!  So I started trying to read this book looking for answers for my own life.  Wanting to change the way I look at things because pain and health issues can create a negative monster or as this book would say, I created my own monster. 

 

I will say it is not an easy read for me anyhow.  It is a book that if you are not in a place where you are open to new awareness of your spiritual self, it won't interest you at all.  Or maybe it's just not time for your "journey". 

 For me however, I've had to read and reread the first chapter at least 3 times and I've joined a book club that many people also said the same thing.  It gets easier after that.  It's a hard book to explain except it speaks how we let the ego in ourselves make our lives and decisions instead of letting our unique selves be present in the moment to make that decision.  You see, it is hard to explain but for some reason, I get it.  Maybe it's my time for that journey.

Oprah has a class every week you can join with the author that helps explain things further.  I don't find that this collides with my Christian beliefs, as a matter of fact, it seems to help me look at God's word even more deeply then before. 

 

I would recommend this book if you're looking for peace in your head from the many thoughts that invade us.  It's been an eye opener for me.  I see how I've helped create a lot of my stress and silly thoughts that stab and wound my very being.   

I will try to update as my journey goes on.  My goal is to totally stop thinking and talking about my health...which is going to be hard on this blog since most of it is about my health.  

DISABILITY PAYMENTS

So this is March 2008 and today I was informed that it will be March 2009 before I receive my first disability payment. So in July 2004 I stopped working, it took 3 yrs. to get a court date and I had to go twice. Now, I have to wait another year to get my payments started.

This is why we have disabled homeless individuals. Who is supposed to take care of us for 4 yrs. while all this paperwork bungle goes on and on?? FOUR years. By that time I hope God creates a miracle and cures me so I can make some real money. This has proved once again how the government will jump right in to help out. Ok, so I'm being sarcastic.

I'm wondering if Kansas is the only state this far behind on court dates and payments. If I hadn't met my husband of two years, I'd still be living in a Veterans Assisted Living Home waiting another year for my measly, and they are measly, payments.

What ever happened to my life I dreamed of? How did my health take over!! You know what...

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I BARGAINED FOR!!!!!

DISABILITY APPROVED (AFTER 10YRS)

I couldn't believe it when my husband phoned me. I'd just come out of the Vet Center for Counseling and he phoned to tell me I had a thick package from Social Security. He went ahead and opened it to inform me after 10 yrs. of trying to get approved for disability; I had finally be granted a fully favorable decision. I couldn't even get really excited anymore. Of course I'm grateful.

When I was young I could never have imagined I would be so ill I couldn't work. I went into the Air Force and was going to make it a career. But it wasn't long before I fell really ill although I did trudge along for 6 yrs. before finally going down hill so much, I had to get out.

Disability is not something people strive to have on their resume of life. I know few who said to themselves; "when I grow up, I want to be disabled". It's hard sometimes when people ask what you do for a living or you attend a high school reunion and they want to know what's going on in your life. You really have to think of something to say. My husband has an Ebay store (http://web.mac.com/brendazbiz/Brendazbiz/Home.html) so I use it as an excuse to say "We work out of our home". I don't want to say, "I'm disabled".

It's not that I'm embarrassed, it's just that people start asking about your illnesses and then they get this look on their face; compassion or sometimes pity. It's really just too exhausting to explain because I have a few of those "invisible" illnesses. Fibromyalgia; Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Arthritis. I used to be able to dance through the night, now I'm lucky to walk a brisk 10 minutes. It's very frustrating to see others with careers or going back to school and some days you can barely make it to the Living Room just to sit up a bit.

I'm going to feel better having some money come in to help with expenses. I've been fighting those worthless feelings you have when dealing with these illnesses. I just keep faith that some day I'll be better and can once again get out in the world.

I'VE BEEN REVIEWED

Well, it's so exciting to get an email from another website saying they've done a review on you and they've added you to their site. At least is was for me. I was reviewed at http://www.peoplesmd.com/.

Here's just the small blurb they mentioned about my blog. (It still thrilled me)!! "We found this fibromyalgia blog to be among the most current. The author, self-described as “a mother, wife and simply a woman who stays at home with some health issues” shares this very personal blog, with good information and an very honest perspective on her condition."

I had read about this site on another blog just a few weeks ago. It's different from other medical sites because it has a place for Health Heroes. These are people who have blogs; personal guides and other sites that donate their personal health journey.

Here is part of PeoplesMD mission statement to explain what they are accomplishing. http://www.peoplesmd.com/static/mission_statement

"PeoplesMD is revolutionizing the way health information is organized on the web by empowering consumers, health professionals and organizations to identify, share, and rate the best health resources online.

On PeoplesMD, you play a valuable role in determining what information is most important, practical and useful for any health topic. Now instead of your health experience online being dictated by a Google algorithm or anonymous author, there's a site filled with great health links and personal guides by and for people with real world expertise. We call these people our Health Heroes and we invite you to join their ranks by quickly and easily sharing your favorite links and resources."

Sometimes the best information is from others who are also experiencing the same illnesses. There are Health Hero Topics; Medical Topics and Health and Wellness Topics to explore. You can also create a profile and if you have a blog that fits this site, you can apply to have it accepted there.

I appreciate them adding my blog to their site.